Well who knew? I wrote “1 Week Down” on Sunday the 20th, which was the 6th day I was rolling along with Chemo Chemicals coursing through my life support system, aka veins, and I was feeling fairly washed out. I’d completely neglected to mention the “follow-up shot” of Neulasta that we chemo persons get 24 hours after each treatment, which I was introduced to on Wednesday, November 16, aka Day 2. And It occurs to me that it was a pretty big component of my physical experience, due to the fact that it affects your bones and joints. It is known. It makes movement feel awkward at the least, and lifting or even holding familiar objects becomes other-worldly in the sudden unfamiliarity of the process. It further occurs to me that I was not entirely forthright about an unpleasant, pesky aspect of the three day period in which I was most “not quite myself,” and I’d like to address that now.
Friday was the first day that I described the sensation of feeling like a hologram of myself, and most of that whole day I seemed to be noticing that odd sense. It was also my long day at work, and while my work load that day was blessedly light, that evening was the 1st time I felt both really wiped out, and a little blue. I was sad that I was given this journey. I did not want it, or a winter of discontent. I wanted cryogenic sleep. I wanted very much to just skip the whole treatment in front of me and be awoken when it was over.
I have a good imagination. Also, I can predict the future. I imagine I’ll have that exact same thought again, probable odds, 7 times. Note to future self: you will get passed the blues.
BUT day 7, Monday, wasn’t bad at all! And TUESDAY? Why, I felt as normal as can be. Perhaps that should be qualified by the fact the I would be hard pressed to define “normal” for any human, and, it is possible that no one who knows me would apply the adjective “normal” in referencing me. So . . . there’s that, which could be a flaw in my whole “normal” descriptive.
Tuesday morning however, I discovered that coffee tasted almost just like coffee. Although to be fair I must say that Chai tea is an acceptable substitute for coffee when I had “chemo-mouth,” it was simply delightful to find that I need not wholly banish coffee from my life for the duration of this process. Then too, I had enough energy to do a light version of my 20 Minute Workout. Well okay, now that that’s in print, it sounds just plain lame. I mean, who would brag about lightening a workout that is only 20 minutes to start with? Well, me that’s who. Even though I had gamely been doing a few sit-ups and 5 lb weight lifts through week one, along with a little walking, my heart had literally not been in it.
Still, Tuesday I was back to sustained movement. The value of my workout aside, (suspend your judgment) I was thoroughly engaged in my life and daily routine again with no sense of being someone who was watching herself do things. The idea of cryogenic sleep, on Tuesday, seemed like a senseless wish to shorten my life.
Tuesday was a little exhilarating.
#ChemoGirl tip on attitude for good days: Everything on my schedule today is something I GET to do, even though I have cancer. Even though.
Then, Wednesday rocked. The thirteen year old and I went wig shopping. A picture paints a thousand words.